Waist Training: Week 1

Have you ever heard of waist training? Until recently, I hadn't. I actually first heard about it by stumbling across a Youtube video on waist training. It peaked my interest because my tummy has always been my problem area (like many women). However, I am lucky enough to be a natural hour glass but I am always on the hunt for a smaller waist and flatter abs. It's sorta an obsession of mine (like Pinterest...haha). After watching this video, which I have linked above, I decided to do some of my own research on the subject...and then I decided to give it a try.

So this is what I know about waist training. In a nut shell, it is the process of wearing a tightly laced corset on one's waist (as if you can wear it somewhere else) in an effort to modify/reduce the width of the waist. People that engage in the practice of corset training are called "tightlacers". Tightlacers wear their corsets at least 12 hours a day with some wearing them for 23 hours a day, only removing it to shower and possibly exercise (no way you can exercise in a corset). The idea is that over time the corset will help reduce the circumference of your waist. Initially these effects are temporary because as soon as you take the corset off, you kinda go back to normal but over time, the effects become permanent. The corset will eventually modify your bone structure. Your will ribs will be raised and somewhat compressed and your waist will get smaller.  Ok, so this part is getting too scientific for me to explain. There are tons of websites on the subject and I will list a few at the end of this post, in case you are interested in learning more.

For some people, the thought to wearing a tightly laced corset may seem unappealing and I understand that. However, I usually wear a tight Vedette bodyshaper/suit everyday and the idea of moving to a corset did not seem foreign to me.  However, these two items of clothing do not really do the same thing. The bodysuit/shaper has like 3 layers of compression which basically holds my remaining tummy in by pressing on the outside skin. The bodyshaper is designed to help you lose inches, if worn everyday, by making the body lose any retained water and also causing the body to sweat and burn the fat layer under your skin. I have been doing this consistently for over 2 years (even in the summer) and so I am no stranger to the idea of a restrictive garment. It actually isn't that bad once you get used to it. Initially the body shapers are very difficult to get into because they are super tight but once you work your way into it, your body looks amazing and your tummy, love handles and back are instantly smoothed out. Also, if you consistently wear the shaper, it gets easier to get it on and off. After a few days, you will be able to pull it on and off in minutes, seconds even.  I love this shaper and the best part is that it is completely invisible underneath clothing (most clothing). There are some exceptions. You may be able to see the shaper, if you have on a top that is strapless or very low cut in the back. Otherwise, I think that the shaper will hide nicely under almost anything.



Love this Vedette Shaper!

I am not kidding. I really would not step out of the house without wearing this shaper. It makes pretty much every item of clothing look better. If you considering purchasing this shaper or something similar, I would suggest getting 2 of them because you are going to sweat and if you wear the same one every day you may get a little stinky (learned this the hard way...hahahaha....j/k). Anyway, this thing is great because it helps correct your posture, lifts your breasts and of course, slims your waist. As you can see from the picture above, this shaper comes under your bra and so you can wear your own bra. There are shapers that have built in bra areas also but I prefer the ones that are under the bust. Also the straps shown on the models shoulders are the straps of the shaper and not the bra strap. I think she may have a strapless bra on. My last comment about this shaper is that you need to buy the correct size. Do not size it down because you want to be smaller. If you do, it will be too uncomfortable to wear and may even be painful. Instead buy the appropriate size and as you lose weight and the shaper isn't really compressing you anymore, you should buy a smaller size.

On to the topic at hand, which if you have forgotten is waist training. Waist Training is completely different than wearing a body shaper. The corset that you wear when doing waist training should be heavy duty and made of a strong cotton material and contain steel "bones". These bones are going to do the work. I am sure that you have seen a corset before but I have included a picture of a training corset. A training corset is not a cutesy lingerie corset or a dressy corset. A true training corset is made to wear under your clothing. However, I think that it is still pretty sexy. Also, this doesn't mean that you cannot wear the cutesy corsets, while you are waist training. There are very nice corset that contain the same type of steel bones and can be worn over clothing (you could also just wear your training corset over your clothing but it doesn't have any designs or lace on it. The training corsets that I own are from Meschantes.  This company makes all types of training corsets and even makes a training corset with a front busk (as shown below). I do not own a corset with a front busk but I hear that they make it easier to put on and remove the corset, which may make sense after I explain how I put the corset on and take it off. The front busk is a the row of metal hook and eye looking thingys on the front of the corset. In the picture below, the front busk is made from steel so it is super strong but like I said, I don't own one with the front busk (well, I do...but that is a naughty corset not a training corset...hehe)

When buying a training corset, make sure that it has steel bones. It should have at least 27 steel bones. If the corset does not have steel bones then it will not be strong enough for waist training and will probably break under the constant pressure of tightening the corset. Also, do not use a corset with a zipper for waist training. It may seem like a zipper will be make it easy to take on and off (and it probably will) but zippers aren't made to withstand the pressure that is put on a corset during waist training. If you are going to attempt waist training, you will have to invest in a true training corset...at least one. Otherwise, you will probably spend more money replacing the cheaper versions and you possibly will not get the same results. Be prepared to spend over $100 on a good training corset. Also, I should point out that the corsets that I am referring to are cut under the breasts (like the body shaper that I like to wear). You will need to wear your own bra with these. These corsets also do not have any straps, so they are suitable for strapless clothing and possibly low back clothing (depending on how low the back is cut).  There are corsets that go over the breasts (overbust) and even some that have straps. I do not wear these and I am not either recommending or condemning them. They may work just as well but I do not know.

Now, how to actually put on and remove a training corset. Ok, well when you receive the corset (and I am only referring to the Meschantes corsets because these are the only training corsets that I own but I assume that others are the same), the corset will be pre-laced, like a shoe, but the laces will not be pulled tightly also like an empty shoe. There may already be a light hour glass type curve in the corset (there was in mine). Before putting on the corset, make sure you put on a camisole or a corset liner. I will explain why in a moment. Next, without untying the corset, pull the corset on over your head. It is easier to put one arm in and then put the second arm in or you can pull it over both arms at the same time and shimmy into the corset. Once you have the corset pulled down over your midsection, make sure that is lined up correctly. Also, and I should have mentioned this previously, make sure that you do not pull the corset on upside down. You can tell the difference between the bottom and top of the corset because the bottom is almost V shaped. There is a slight point in the middle. The top of the corset is almost shaped like a W because it goes underneath your breasts. This will make sense once you actually have the corset. You can also look at the pictures above for more clarification on the shape of the top and bottom. Once you have the corset lined up and on correctly, make sure that you have the corset positioned high enough on your chest. The top of the corset should come right underneath your bra. I used to do this wrong and pull the corset down further on my hips but 1) that is incorrect placement and 2) once I tightened the corset, I would get a little lip of skin (or fact) that would poke out between the bra and the corset and this is definitely hard to hide underneath your clothing...haha. Look at the pictures above of the girls, their corset comes directly underneath their bras (no fat lip). This definitely helps to smooth out your front.

Now we can begin tightening the process. If you look at the picture directly above, there are little metal rings with the laces coming out of them. These metal rings are called grommets, just like on shoes. The laces goes back and forth across the back of the corset, just like on shoes. However, not like shoes, there is a place in the middle of the of the back of the corset where the lace goes vertical (up and down) from one grommet to the next. It kinda makes a loop and there should be one on each side of the corset. This is where we want to start. Pull these loops and this will tighten the middle of your corset. The tighter you pull them, the more you will reduce the middle of your corset (the part that is around you natural waist).  You will be left with two long laces/loops similar to the picture below. Also, there may be a back panel of fabric that comes under the laces. As you tighten the corset this panel will bunch. Try to straighten this panel out as you tighten. It is a bit of a process but if you do not straighten it, you corset will not lay flat in the back and it may irritate your skin because you have this bunched fabric tightly laced to you.

As you can now see, there are 4 grommets at work here. Two on the right and two on the left. Now, imagine that the back of the corset is separated into 2 halves, a top half and a bottom half with your waist being the dividing point. Pull the lace that is coming out of the lower set of grommets on each side. You will need to pull thees laces in an upward motion. This will tighten the bottom half of the corset. You may want to tighten a little more, so try to strategically (or randomly) pull various individual laces in the bottom half of the corset. This will further tighten the lower part of the corset. If necessary, pull down on the laces coming from the lower grommets again because this will tighten the laces that you just pulled. Now, let's work on the top half of the corset, first pull the two laces that are coming from the top grommets in the large loops (on both side of the corset).  You will need to pull laces in a downward motion. This will tighten the top half of the corset. To further tighten, pull the individual laces in the top half of the corset and you may need to pull down again on the laces coming from the top grommets of the big loops. Continue this process until you have finished tightening the corset. (If you need a video of this process, the Youtube video linked above gives a great visual explanation of the lacing process.) Also, this style of lacing your corset is called "bunny ears lacing" or "rabbit ears lacing". The training corsets from Meschantes come laced in this fashion. Rabbit ear lacing is the easiest way to self-lace or self-tighten your corset, meaning that you can put your corset on and off without the help of another person. If your corset is not pre-laced in rabbit ears or if you remove that bottom not (that I said not to remove) then see this Youtube video about how to lace your corset bunny ears style (then are many youtube videos on this topic).

So, you may be wondering, how tight you need to pull these laces. Well that depends on you. If you are a beginner (like me) do not pull it super tight. You want to make it tight but not so tight that you are in pain. Also, remember that you will be wearing this corset all day (true tightlacers wear their corset 23 hours a day). It needs to be tight and you will be stiff but you should be able to move. It will be difficult to bend over and side to side but you should not look like a robot when you move. As you waist shrinks, you will be able to lace the corset tighter and tighter. Eventually, you will need to buy a new, smaller corset. This brings us to the difference between the bodyshaper and the corset. The body shaper is working with the outside of your body. It compresses the skin and fat, helping you lose inches through sweat and in theory, fat loss. However, the corset kinda works with the inside of your body. Yes, it is compressing your skin also but for the corset's effects to be permanent, you will need to wear it consistently (same as with the shaper) but the corset will gradually shift your internal bone structure (unlike the shaper). This is why corset training is thought of as a form of body modification. By doing this process, people are able to achieve the tiniest waists, some as small as 13 inches.

Now, we have reached the point where I feel it is necessary to put in a disclaimer. I am not a medical professional and I do not have any medical training. I did my research on the internet and I have started the waist training process. I implore you to do your own research and talk to anyone that you need to talk to about this before trying it.

So, now that that's over. When you feel that you have appropriately tightened the corset, you will have two super long loops, one on each side. You now need to tie these laces (do not knot them because it may be difficult to loosen later). The bow will be in the middle of the corset. You may still have long laces hanging down. If so, you will need to tuck these laces down into your pants or find some way to hide the dangling laces under your clothing. Remember to re-tuck the laces when you go to the bathroom, otherwise, you may find that you have strings hanging down your back and this may be a little embarrassing. Also, make sure that you move the laces out of the way before you actually use the bathroom...I think you understand why.

To remove the corset, you simply need to untie the laces and start pulling on the individual laces in both the top and bottom sections to loosen them. You will need to do this several times until the corset is sufficiently loosened, then you basically slide the corset over your head. Also, there is a little knot in the corset at the very bottom of the laces. This knot holds the lace in the corset. DO NOT loosen this knot. By using the process that I am describing, it is possible to put on and remove the corset without taking out the laces or removing the knot. If you do remove this knot, you will have to figure out how to re-lace the corset bunny ears/rabbit ears style (see video link above for help).

This post is entitled "waist training: week 1" and this is because I have only just begun my waist training journey. I have had my corset for awhile and I learned the ins and outs of putting it on and removing it (I still stumble a bit) before starting to wear the corset everyday. Once I felt confident that I could put it on and remove it in a matter of minutes, I started to wear it consistently for a week (and this is that week). I usually have very limited time in the morning and I hate the idea of having to spend a lot of time fussing with a corset. I am usually pretty late for everything. It is a problem and I am working on it.

Anyway, I started with a 30 inch waist (that isn't too bad) and when buying a training corset it is recommended that you buy a corset that 4-6 inches smaller that your natural waist (don't go any smaller than 6 inches). So, I have a 24 inches corset. The goal is to get my waist down to 24 inches. The reason that I am able to wear a 24 inch corset is because during lacing, the corset cannot completely close in the back (because my waist is 30 inches). There are several inches of the back panel exposed and the laces are spread apart by several inches. When my waist makes it to 24 inches, none of the back panel will be exposed and the two sides of the corset will touch (like in the picture below).

 

When this happens (I will be happy) and it will be time to buy a smaller corset (if I choose to go smaller). I actually don't think that I want to go any smaller than 24 inches because I have a larger frame and I want to look sexy and proportional. Some people chose to go very small with their waist and I think that it is a matter of preference.

So far, the waist training has been going well. I have been relatively comfortable. I do not wear the corset 23 hours a day but I do wear it for at least 12 hours per day. I plan to eventually increase this number but I do not think that I will every sleep in the corset. A good thing about waist training is that it compresses your stomach (the actual organ) so you get fuller quicker and eat less. I also noticed that you may notice a difference in your breathing. If you take deep breaths your rib cage naturally expands but the top of the corset is on the bottom of your rib cage and so you may feel a bit constricted. Yes, wearing the corset does smush some of your organs...so do your research before trying this.

I have found it somewhat difficult to hide the corset under clothing but maybe I will get better at this, as time goes on. I have noticed that if I wear a somewhat for fitting top, the lines from the bones are visible in the front and also the top of the corset pokes out a bit in the back. I have been hiding it under sweaters and suit jackets or blazers but I am not sure what I am going to do in the summer time. I guess that we will have to see. I still plan to wear it. I just have to be creative. Also, note that this is another difference between the corset and the bodyshaper because the particular bodyshaper that I wore was seamless under clothing.

Also, I kinda got a bit of a rash after wearing the corset for 2 days straight but let me explain why. When wearing a corset, you are supposed to wear corset liners, which you can substitute for a cotton camisole.  Cotton is used because it is a natural fabric that breathes because wearing the corset will make you hot. The corset liner absorbs the sweat but also allows the skin to breath, while you are wearing the corset. The corset liner or camisole basically protects your skin but it also protects the corset from absorbing your natural body oils and sweat, which can break down the fabric of the corset over time. So, how did I get a rash? Well, I had the genius of idea of combining my body shaper with the corset. Instead of wearing a liner, I would put on the body shaper and then top it with the corset. I thought that this would be the best of both worlds (and maybe it is) but it didn't work for me. The body shaper has lycra and all types of rubber in it and topping that with the corset pretty much just suffocated my skin. By the end of the day (on the 2nd day of this) the skin on my back and tummy was burning and once I removed the corset and body shaper, the irritated skin turned into welts and was so sore and nasty looking. I couldn't even lay on the bed without being in pain. Luckily, I showered (carefully) and applied hydrocortisone cream which greatly improved the situation by the next morning. I still had the itchiness and the skin was dry and peeling but it was no longer raised and I continued to apply the cream everyday (2x a day). needless to say, I stopped doubling up and I have retired my bodyshaper. I now wear my corset and a camisole everyday. I do not own actual corset liners (pictured below). I just wear a plain cotton camisole. The camisole has been working but there may be some benefits to an actual liner. I don't know. Whatever you wear should be primarily cotton and it should also have some spandex or lycra (a small percentage) so that it shrinks with you waist instead or wrinkling (or buy smaller camisoles). As I mentioned before, you do not want to have wrinkled material laced tightly against your skin as this may cause irritation.

My plan is to keep posting updates of my progress so that you know how this waist training process really works. Let's see if I can get down to that 24 inches. Lastly, I want to discuss the difference between having a smaller waist and flatter abs. When discussing a smaller waist, I am referring to the circumference of your waist (the inches around). Having flatter abs will probably give you a smaller waist. As you lose fat on your abs, your waist will become smaller. However, it is possible to have flat abs (or relatively flat abs) but still be wide in the waist. Everyone is not a natural hourglass. Waist training will help reduce the circumference of you waist (make it less wide) but it will not flatten your abs. Flattening your abs has to do with eating habits, exercise and losing inches of fat underneath your skin. Reducing the circumference of your waist through waist training will shift bones and organs internally and does not reduce the fat on your body. So, it is possible to make your waist smaller in circumference without flattening your abs. You will have more of an hourglass shape but you will still have fat on your abs. Also, I am assuming that at some point, the fat will limit how how you can reduce the circumference of your waist. I just want everyone to be clear that waist training is not a substitute for flattening your abs through good eating habits and exercise. As I just said, everyone is not a natural hourglass and some people will flatten their abs but they will not be able to achieve that womanly silhouette. While others are able to achieve an hourglass without having flat abs. So, hopefully this makes sense. I personally want flatter abs and a smaller waist but who really doesn't. As my waist reduces, I don't think that it will be possible to determine if the reduction is due to waist training or my strenuous exercise routine...personally, I do not care what causes it. I still have fat on my abs and I am on a seemingly never ending mission to lose it.

Lastly lastly, I did promise you some links for more information on waist training (keep in mind that I have no idea about the accuracy of the information contained on these sites). There are both pros and cons to waist training. There are some health benefits and also apparently some risks. So whatever you decide, just make sure that you are informed. Until my next post...

http://www.glamourboutique.com/waisttrainingwithcorsets.aspx
http://www.ehow.com/about_6670589_corsets-waist-training.html
http://www.livestrong.com/article/360074-waist-cincher-training/
http://corsetreturn.topcities.com/harmful.htm
http://www.thelingerieaddict.com/2012/05/tightlacing-101-4-myths-about-waist-training-with-a-corset.html
http://healthmad.com/beauty/dangers-associated-with-waist-training/
http://weheartvintage.co/2012/07/16/how-did-1950s-models-get-such-tiny-waists-the-low-down-on-waist-training/
http://weheartvintage.co/2012/12/05/waist-training-a-visual-history-of-corsetry/
http://waistcorsetgirl.hubpages.com/hub/Corset-Training
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tightlacing

Pinteresting Monday: Sweet and Sour Chicken

So, I have decided to start a series of posts on recipes and possibly other crafts, tips, tricks, etc. that I have found on Pinterest. I am going to try these various things and let you know how they turn out...keep in mind that as I said in my initial post, I have no discernible talent. So, as with most things, this will be me stumbling my way through.

Over the weekend, I attempted to make sweet and sour chicken from a recipe that I found on Pinterest. I guess that this is an Asian inspired dish.  I will say that it turned out pretty good...it wasn't great but it was good. I sorta overlooked the chicken a little...just a little, so it was still edible ;)

If you click on the highlighted "recipe" above, it will take you to the original recipe. You may want to look at this (don't just rely on me) if you are planning to make this recipe.

So, let's get started. On Pinterest, this receipe is called sweet and sour chicken but being a connessour of Chinese takeout, I think that it is more of a General Tso Chicken or Grandfather Chicken rather than sweet and sour chicken.  This is a picture of what the end result looked like on Pinterest and if you scroll to the bottom of this post, you will see how my chicken turned out.



looks pretty tasty

What you will need (taken from the original recipe):

Chicken Breading
3 -5 Boneless, skinless, chicken breast
1 cup of cornstarch
2 eggs (beaten)
1/3 cup of canola oil (I used peanut oil because strangely this is all I had on hand)
Salt and Pepper (I would also add garlic powder, onion powder, and any other seasoning that you find tasty)

Sauce
3/4 cup of sugar* (you may be able to substitute splenda or some other sweetener to make it healthy. I just used plain ol' unhealthy white sugar)
4 tablespoons ketchup*
1/2 cup white distilled vinegar (I used organic apple cider vinegar because again this is all I had but I will admit that ACV definitely gives the sauce a kick)
1 tablespoon soy sauce*
1 teaspoon garlic salt*

*For full disclosure, I did play around with these measurements. I added these ingredients based on taste. Also, since I used ACV, which has a stronger taste than white vinegar, I had to increase the ketchup, soy sauce and sugar slightly. I implore you to start with the measurements listed and then add or subtract based on your taste buds.

Now, make sure to thoroughly wash your chicken, removing most (if not all) of the fat and the slimy stuff. Then pat the chicken dry and cut it into bite size pieces. Season the chicken chunks with the salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and any of your other favorite seasonings (keep in mind that you are also adding a sauce to this chicken so don't over season). Now is a good time to preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Heat your oil in a skillet/frying pan. Make sure that the oil is hot but do not burn the oil. I didn't let my pan get hot enough when I was browning the chicken and it didn't really brown appropriately (and nothing is better than golden brown nuggets of chicken). So, I kinda messed up this step. While your oil is warming up, completely coat your chicken with cornstarch and then dip it into the eggs (which you have already beaten). After removing the chicken from the egg mixture, brown it in the frying pan. Once brown, remove the chicken and place it in a baking dish and set aside.

On to the sauce. In a small bowl, whisk together all of the ingredients that I listed above for the sauce (modify for your taste as necessary). Once you have a good combination, pour the sauce over the chicken in the baking dish. Try to distribute the sauce evenly and turn the chicken to make sure that both sides are covered. Don't worry if the sauce is runny, it will thicken as is cooks. Bake the chicken at 350 for 15 minutes  and then turn the chicken and bake for an additional 15 minutes (we want to make sure that both sides get nice and gooey). Voila! You should have tasty chicken piece.

Now, let me tell you what I did wrong. Well first, I overcooked my chicken because since it wasn't browning, I let it in the frying pan too long in an attempt to get it to brown. It was probably already fully cooked when I put it into the oven and consequently, overcooked it. It was still edible though!

Since this was an Asian inspired dish, I decided to pair my chicken with fried rice but because I try to keep it a little healthy (don't let the fried, sugary chicken fool ya), I decided to make brown fried rice. This was not a Pinterest recipe. If you are interested in my brown fried rice, here it goes.


I should start by saying that I am notoriously bad at making rice unless it is an Uncle Ben's package. Uncle Ben does make boil bags for brown rice but I decided to do this the old fashioned way using the 2:1 ratio.

What you will need:

1 cup of brown nice
olive oil
soy sauce
1 large egg
scallions
minced garlic
Bean sprouts* (I didn't have bean sprouts but I think that they would have made the dish better)

* You can also put peas, peppers, broccoli or any other vegetable that you desire in this rice. Don't be afraid to experiment. It may suck but at least you won't do it again next time.

First boil 2 cups of water (add a little salt to the water, just a dash). Once the water starts to boil, add in the rice. Basically make the rice according to the package. I messed up here because I boiled the water too long and then I added the rice but after about 10 minutes all the water boiled out of the pot. I had to add more water...and then 10 minutes later all of the water was gone again and I had to add more water again. Finally, I was able to get the rice to cook and luckily the rice did not scorch. If you scorch or burn your rice, I think you have to throw it away and start over because it tastes disgusting.

Heat some olive oil in a skillet, You do not need a lot, just enough to get a nice coat on the bottom of the pan. add in your minced garlic, scallions, bean sprouts and any other veggies that you have chosen. You will need to saute these veggies but do not over cook them. You still want them to have a little firmness. Once finished, set it aside

In a separate skillet, you will need to scramble the egg and set it aside.

Now in the same skillet where you have browned your veggies, pour in your cooked rice and fry it. You may find that you need to add a little more olive oil. Try to brown the rice on a medium/low heat for about 15 minutes or so (or however long looks right to you). As you are browning the rice, you want to mix in the sauteed veggies and the scrambled egg. When you are done, transfer the rice mixture to a large bowl, sprinkle soy sauce to taste and serve.

Lastly, I finished this Asian inspired meal with steamed broccoli (because this is how it always comes from the Chinese restaurant)

So here you have it, Chinese inspired sweet and sour chicken/General Tso Chicken. If you decide to try this recipe, please let me know how it turns out.  Here is a picture of my complete meal and another link to the recipe.

Fitness Fridays: Workout Routine

You may not know this because you don't know me but I used to be really heavy. I am 5'6" tall and at my heaviest, I weighed about 231 lbs. I have always been a heavy person. I was always the chubby little girl and then the fat kid but when I became a teenager, the fat sort of proportioned itself in the right places and I was considered "thick". I was happy to be considered thick. In the black community, when a girl is thick, this means that she has a large butt and thighs (both good things) with a waist that is smaller in proportion Yes, I was a big girl but I was very curvaceous. However, no matter how hard I would try to hide it, I was unhappy. I felt fat and not like a curvalicious diva. I was unhealthy and I was in my mid 20s with high blood pressure and gastrointestinal disease. I was out of shape. I felt like a cow and I really wanted to change but I wasn't honest with myself. Furthermore in my early 20s, I lost about 60 lbs (through natural and unnatural methods) and I hated the way that my body looked. I lost all my butt and legs. I became top heavy. I was all boobs and I still had my stomach. To further explain my prior weight loss methods, I would exercise everyday and starve myself. I went to one of those "weight-loss doctors" and he used to give me Phentermine (super crazy appetite suppressants), water pills and weekly shot in my butt that contained B12 and some other crap that was supposed to boost my metabolism. Listen, it worked. I was dropping 5-10 lbs a week and even when the weight loss slowed down, I was still losing about 2-3 lbs a week. However, I didn't like the shape that my body developed into and I didn't really feel healthy because I was filling my body with these strong chemicals. Then I started law school and I became too busy to concentrate on starving myself. Although, I have to admit that the Phentermine makes you hate the idea of eating. It is serious (and dangerous). Once in law school, I stopped taking all of that stuff because I needed to be able to focus (the drugs made me feel like I was in a fog all day) and I started eating. These are all good things but it would have been nice if I continued to exercise. I didn't and naturally, I gained back all the weight (and more). However, shortly after started law school, I met Joseph and he loved fat Tiffani (at least that is what he said) and it is always easier to be fat when someone loves you.

All my health problems came back but so did my booty!! So I was willing to deal. However, I eventually just got tired of it again. I was tired of every doctor telling me that I needed to lose a few pounds. It wasn't until, I went to my primary care doctor and he threatened to put me on blood pressure meds. A week later, I went to my Gastroenterologist and he said that my stomach issues would improve if I lost a few pounds and about 2 weeks after that my freaking Gynecologist jumped on the blood pressure band wagon and threatened to take me off of my birth control pills because they have a hormone that increases blood pressure (not sure if it is estrogen or progesterone). This was really hard on my moral and they were right...it was time.

So I decided to try to lose weight the right way. I kept seeing Jennifer Hudson on tv and people used to say that I looked like her when I was fat...so maybe I could look like her (or better) when I am skinny. So I joined weight watcher online. However, this is not a post about how great Weight Watchers is...I will save my WW tips for another Friday). This is a post about my fitness routine.

When I started working out, I was doing random Jillian Michaels' DVDs. I did "30 Day Shred", "Ripped in 30", "6 Week Six-Pack" and "No More Trouble Zones". I lost about 40-50 lbs by sticking to my weight watchers and working out with my DVDs. Then I saw an infomercial for Jillian Michaels' Body Revolution (this is still fairly new. It is a 90 day intense workout program that is a combination of circuit training, cardio and abs. Each workout is roughly 30 minutes (sometimes a few minutes longer with warm up and cool down). If you follow the program, you will work the front of your body 2 days a week, the back of your body 2 days a week and cardio 2 days a week. The program requires you to workout 6 days a week with one day of rest. I did the complete Body Revolution program 2 times and I started to notice a lot of definition in my shoulders, arms, and legs. I was starting to become toned and I lost inches.

However, I decided that I needed a change. I needed a challenge. Joseph, my fiance, had previously purchased Shaun T's Insanity. He started doing Insanity strong but quit after a few days but in Joseph's defense...it is really hard...ha! No seriously, it is really hard. Insanity is a 60 day program (there is 1 recovery week in between the 1st and 2nd month). Insanity is pure cardio circuit training and there are no weights involved (unless you get the deluxe program). However, it is probably some of the hardest cardio that most people will ever do. I promise that you will be dripping, if you really push yourself during any of the Insanity workouts. While doing Insanity, I burned a ton of calories and lost a lot of weight. I did Insanity 4 times from beginning to end.

 

And then came the plateau. I plateaued and was no longer losing weight after my second time of doing Insanity but I continued to do it and didn't make any changes to my diet or exercise regimen because I didn't know what else to do. I knew that I needed to add more weight lifting to my regimen but the cardio in Insanity was so intense that I thought if I did something less intense, then I would gain weight. I am so afraid to gain weight. I wanted a program that combined the intense cardio of Insanity with the weight training from Jillian Michael's body revolution. So, I decided to combine them and below is my current workout routine.



Weekly Workout Routine:
Sunday: Body Revolution  (circuit video and cardio video, which is about an hour of exercise)
Monday: Body Revolution (circuit and cardio, 1 hour)
Tuesday: Insanity (any of the videos, usually the videos for month 2)
Wednesday: Body Revolution (circuit and cardio, 1 hour)
Thursday: Body Revolution (circuit and cardio, 1 hour)
Friday: Insanity (any video)
Saturday: sometimes I rest, other times I do Shaun T's 20 minute workout, "Fast and Furious".

So far, I have been having pretty good results with this combination. I have some type of cardio at least 6 times a week and weight training 4 times a week. I know that I should definitely take a rest day every week but I get a little obsessive about working out. It is amazing to see your body change. I am even starting to see definition in my abs. I do not have a six-pack but I have the beginning stages of a 4 pack. The problem is that I still have a little pooch/pouch over my lower abs. It is so frustrating because I try to eat fairly healthy and I workout extremely hard but the pooch is still there. It is much better than it was when I started working out but it is still there. To amp up my above workout routine, I have added wrist and ankle weights while doing the Insanity and Body Revolution workouts. I am only working with about a pound and a half on each arm and leg but let me tell you, it definitely makes these already difficult workouts significantly harder. Sometimes, I think that I may be pushing myself a little too hard but then other times, I think that I should step up the weights in my ankle and wrist weights and hopefully increase my results. To date, I have lost over 70 lbs and I have come such a long way from where I started but I am still chasing that ever elusive six-pack. Maybe one day, I will either achieve the six-pack or I'll accept that my body is perfect just the way that it is.

Overall, I love the feeling of being someone that worksout. I have workedout 6-7 days a week for the past 2 years straight and I feel like a new person. Gone is that fat girl that I used to hide inside of. But losing weight does not solve all of your problems or change who you are. It just allows your inner self to shine. So I will continue to keep you updated on my progress and hopefully one day I will have courage to post a pic pf my new body on this blog. Until my next post...

Wedding Wednesday - 1st Edition: How to choose a Photographer

So today is Wednesday, April 3, 2013 at 5:21pm EST, which makes it exactly 150 days 23 hours 37 minutes and 52..51..50 seconds until my wedding. I briefly mentioned in one of my earlier posts that I am engaged to a terrific guy named Joseph. We have been together for over 5 years now and we have been engaged for a little of 2 years. Our wedding is taking place on September 1, 2013 in Chicago, Illinois. The fact that we are getting married in Chicago doesn't seem strange to you because you do not know us but to those who know us, the idea of Chicago wedding is puzzling. I guess people cannot understand why anyone would want to have a destination wedding in Chicago. Yup, you've heard right...this is a destination wedding to Chi-town. I am originally from Philadelphia, PA. Joseph is from Queens, NY. We live in New Jersey but our wedding is in Chicago.

Now, if you have actually been to Chicago, then you shouldn't be too surprised that we would choose to have our wedding there. Chicago is an amazingly beautiful city. Here is a brief history lesson for ya. The city was completely destroyed in the great Chicago fire and when they decided to rebuild it, they brought in architects from all over the world to help design the builds, layout, etc of the new city. This explains why Chicago has such amazing architecture and also why it is called the "Second City" (I think, at least that is what they told us during one of those bus tour through the city).

Also, there are several beaches in Chicago. It always amazes me, when I see a beach in the middle of a major city. It is so awesome and sorta random. I love it. Chicago also holds a special place in our hearts because it is the destination our first couple trip. I am not really sure why we chose to visit Chicago but after that first trip, there were several more trips and we were just hooked. We think that Chicago captures all of the big city feel of New York, while still maintaining the small town charm that you find in Philadelphia. It is the perfect blend of our hometowns. We have even thought about moving there...an idea that we still play around with from time to time. But at least for now, our wedding will definitely take place there.

Anyway this post was not supposed to be about Chicago (I always feel like I need to justify why we are getting married in Chicago), this post is about the wedding and wedding planning.    So as I also mentioned in a prior post, I have a wedding planner. I knew that I would need help planning my wedding because my job schedule is extremely unpredictable and this is a destination. I am not really going to discuss the planner hiring process at this point, definitely the topic for a separate and later post. Instead, I am going to talk about the actual planning part. It is true that having a planner makes it easier but there is still a lot for me to do. I did hire my planner for full coordination because I didn't want to have to worry being limited to a certain number of hours or not having the assistance when I needed it. I also wanted someone who is familiar with this process, knows various vendors and basically just someone I could turn to for all things wedding. For some people, this person could be their mother, sister or a friend but most of my close friends are attorneys with very crazy schedules, I don't have any sisters and I didn't want to put all of the pressure on my mom (because I am pretty picky and I don't want to be angry with her if things don't go right. Also, I am her only daughter and I want her to enjoy my wedding day because she will only get to do it once). I really needed someone to stop me from making stupid decisions like the one that I is described below.

Now, I truly started planning my wedding about a year and a half ago, when I started day dreaming about the fabulous dress, venue food and decor...needless to say when I realized how expensive all of this stuff was, we had to scale back a bit. The true planning started last August when we booked our venue. Once we finally had a date, I was so excited to take engagement photos and send out one of those cutesy magnet Save The Dates with our picture on it. This started the stressful part of my planning experience.

I foolishly hired the photographer from hell to shoot our engagement photos. I call him the photographer from hell because he made the entire experience 10 times more stressful than it should have been. So, this brings me to the subject of this post, which is how to choose a wedding photographer.

First, let me say that this photographer was not hired to shoot the wedding. He was only hired to do the engagement photos. He was a photographer that I previously used to shoot glamour shots for me, when I wanted to feel pretty or sexy. Based of these photos, I loved his work and thought that he would be more than capable to do great engagement photos for me. The difference is that the glamour shots were taken in a studio, in a controlled environment whereas the engagement photos were to be taken outside, in the elements and using natural light. This may not sound like a big deal but this definitely make a difference. Too much sun light, not enough, too windy, these are just some of the things to consider when taking your photos. Make sure you chose a location that is scenic but not a place that is crowded with tourists, kids or just a bunch of people. The places that we chose for our photos were at the waterfront in New Jersey with New York as a backdrop and our second location was supposed to be on the waterfront in New York with New Jersey as a backdrop. I thought that this would be cute and since we met in NY and now live in NJ, it would have been a nice play on our love story. However, this inadequate photographer completely screwed up the locations. He first told me that he would need to rent a car transport his equipment between the two locations and he was going to add the cost of the car into his fee. I actually thought that this was fair. This photographer's studio was on lower Manhattan and very few people own cars, so I thought that this was fair. However, when we arrived to take the photos, the photographer never rented the car but he did charged me for it. So not only was he now stealing money from me but he also messed up my ability to take pictures in my chosen locations. When confronted about this issue, the photographer apologized and said that he would throw in some extra retouched photos and do special effects such as sepia, black & white, blur the backgrounds and various other things to make sure that the photos were stunning. I wasn't happy about this change in plans but since Joseph and I were already there and dressed for the photos, I decided to go through with it.

After this session, the photographer stated that he would send the proofs of the photos to me within 3 days. He mentioned that he only need to go through and sort the photos before sending them to me so that I could select the ones that I wanted to have retouched. Three days passed and I didn't hear from him. Three more days passed and still no word from him. I decided to call him and he told me that he was having problems with his assistants and that he wasn't able to sort the photos and a whole bunch of other excuses. He promised that I would have the photos in a few days. A week later still no photos. I called again and the photographer continued to give me excuses. I was now angry and I didn't want to hear any more excuses. He again promised to have the photos to me as soon as possible (keep in mind that these were only the proofs). Then two days later, I spoke with one of his assistants and she told me that the photographer's computer crashed and he actually lost all of my photos. This was over 3 weeks after our engagement  photos session...and finally I am being told that the guy lost the photos. I thought that he was  a professional photographer. he definitely charged a fee as if he was a professional. How could he not have the photos backed up? Why didn't he tell me this weeks ago and what happens now?

Well the photographer never told me himself that the photos were lost and instead, he left it to his assistant who subsequently asked me if I wanted to schedule a re-shoot. I really don't know why but I agreed to just do it over. I knew that Joseph and I were a little awkward in the photos the first time because it is strange to have someone standing in your face with a camera, while asking you to act as if he is not there. So, I was hoping that we would be more natural this second time around. At this point, I figured that we were pros. Now, I realize that i should have just demanded a return of my money and found another photographer. This was just stupid but hindsight is always 20/20.

We scheduled another photo shoot and this time, there was no excitement, no anticipation. We just wanted to get it over with (not the ideal mood for photo taking). But I had a little surprise for the photographer. Once we arrived at his studio, I pulled out a written contract. (Now, I understand how stupid it was for me to not have a written contract before. I had a bunch of emails but we never signed anything. I know that is not good enough and top it off with the fact that I am an attorney. I should have never made an agreement that was not in writing. This is pretty basic.) When the photographer saw the contract, he became irate. He said that this is an indication that I do not trust him (which I didn't). He said that he wouldn't sign it. He said that I was stressing him out and that he needed to be "clear" to take the photos. So, I said ok, well if you do not want to sign the contract, you can give me my money back. He responded by signing the contract, without reading it (he had adequate time to read the 2 page contract) and proceeding with the photo shoot. Once this shoot was over, the photographer again promised to get me the proofs right away and the next day, he gave me a CD that contained all of the proofs. It turned out that he actually took over 600 photos. He gave me every photo from our second session, even the bad ones, even the blurry ones, even the one where he actually took a picture of the sky or the ground. I mean he gave me every single photo, even the duplicates. I was a little annoyed that he didn't sort them but I was happy to just have proofs. I could work with these. After spending a few days of sorting the photos, I came up with about 69 photos that I liked (which is really only about 10%. I mean if you give a monkey the opportunity to take over 600 photos, he will probably come up with at least 60 good photos). Of these 69, I wanted about half of them to be retouched.

This is where things get nasty. My wonderful photographer told me that he was only going to retouch 10 photos and any additional photos would cost $40 each to be retouched. So, I whipped out our trusty contract (that he did not read) and pointed him to the section where it states that he would retouch 35 photos. The contract aside, he did promise to do extra photos and all these special effects as compensation for overcharging me and he did lose my first set of photos...what happened to customer service. I then told him that if he had a problem with the contract, we could discuss it with a judge. Of course, I didn't hear back from him for several weeks. I again contacted him and pointed out the provision in the contract in which he agreed to get the final retouched photos to me within a month/4 weeks from the date of the second photo session. I didn't hear back from him for several more weeks. I again contacted him and flat out threatened to sue him and it took about 2 more weeks before I received half-ass, mediocre photos, that had garbage cans and random strangers in the background. Also, amazingly, the retouched photos looked extremely similar to proofs that he sent me. This guys was the worst. He did nothing. He basically just stole my money. I was so disappointed but I learned a lot about how to choose a photographer, which I have boiled down into my rules about hiring a photographer. Also, I should add that I hired this horrible photographer before I hired my wedding planner and she was in no way involved with this catastrophe.

10 rules for hiring a photographer:

1. Do your research about the photographer. Read reviews, ask around, try to see as much of this person's work as possible. Also, realize that past good work doesn't necessarily guarantee that the person will do good work for you. It is just more likely that a person who does good work and has a good reputation will want to keep his/her good reputation. (I did read reviews about my photographer and they were all positive. He probably wrote them himself but I had also used this photographer before in the past with great results. So, this is not a guarantee. I notice that people that write reviews either have extremely good or extremely bad experience. I think this photographer didn't receive a negative review until I was the one writing it.)

2. Check with the Better Business Bureau (BBB) and State Attorney General to see if any complaint have been filed against the photographer. This is a continuation of rule #1, doing your research, but it is tool that is often overlooked so, I decided to make it a separate rule.

3. Interview multiple photographers. You need to make sure that you will be able to get along with your photographer, especially if this person is going to shoot your wedding because this person is going to be following you around for many hours on your wedding day. You want to make sure that you are not going to want to punch this person in the face at the end of the night. However, you are not just interviewing them for personality, you also need to get familiar with their photo style. Many photographers consider themselves to be photojournalist because they can tell a story through their pictures. A lot of photographers claim to fall into this category but they are not all good at it. This is why research is extremely important. Some photographers also claim to be editorial in style, which is like a magazine ad. There are many different types of styles but you first need to figure out what type of photos that you want and then find the photographer that matches your style.

4.  Make sure that the photographer is clear on your vision and what you want the photos to look like. This also goes into the style of the photographer and the photos but you want to make sure that you have the photos that you want to have. If you want extremely artistic photos, make sure that you hire a photographer that is capable of this and that he or she is clear on what you want. This rule is more about communicating with the photographer. If you have something specific in mind, you have to make sure to communicate that with the photographer. For your wedding, make a list of photos that you want, especially for family photos but also make a list of the cutesy photos that you want of you and your new husband or you and your maid of honor...you get where I am going with this. It doesn't matter how good the photographer is, if you do not clearly communicate with him/her. Don't let your lack of communication stand between you and good photos. A wedding is only one day and once it is over, you are only left with photos (and video).

5. Be realistic. Nothing personal but when it comes to retouching photos, your photographer can do amazing things. They can add people to pictures, remove them from pictures and even open closed eyes (kinda creepy). Your photographer can make you look skinnier, fix skin blemishes, whiten teeth, remove misplaced hairs and even straighten disheveled clothing. However, I caution, you to be realistic about how much retouching you would like the photographer to do (and keep in mind that retouching is expensive). If you do not naturally look like Beyonce or Angelina Jolie, do not ask your photographer to retouch your photos until you look like them (hell, Beyonce and Angelina Jolie don't even look like Beyonce and Angelina Jolie, in real life). It is not just that it is most likely impossible but also you want to look like you on your wedding day...a beautiful, hot, divalicious version of you. So get the right makeup, hair, dress and let your light shine...don't try, want or expect to be something that you are not.

6. Do not settle and remember that you are technically the boss. So after I just lectured you on being realistic. I am not telling you not to settle, which is a little contradictory but it will make sense. Some photographers (and many wedding vendors) consider themselves to "Arh-teass" (whatever, you get what I mean) and because of this, they are sometimes condescending or think that they run the show. Well first off, you should have realized that there was a personality conflict before hiring the person but, if you did not remember that you call the shots (within reason). The photographer is being paid for a service (unless you are having a friend or someone do it for free, in which case you pretty much need to shut your mouth and be grateful). Do not feel intimidated or scared to tell the photographer what you want and what you expect. Do not just settle with what they choose to give you. Don't be afraid to speak up because you do not want to hurt his/her feelings. You are paying good money.

7. Don't be a control freak. Ok, so here I go flip flopping again. I should be a politician. Don't be difficult. No one wants to work with someone who is difficult. In reality, the photographer is an artist and you do want to give him/her room to be creative. Do not try to micromanage everything. Do not be a Bridezilla. I repeat do not be a Bridezilla because no one wants to work with or be around a bitch. You want your photographer to want to do their best work for you...not just because that is what you paid him for but also because he hopefully likes you. So be nice but if there is any nonsense, then drop the hammer. There is a balance between doormat and bitch that you must find when dealing with vendors (when dealing with everyone).

8. Make sure that you have a backup. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Often times wedding photographers will do your engagement photos free or it is included in the wedding package, if you hire them to do your wedding. I personally, do not believe in guaranteeing that the person will be shooting my wedding until I have seen them in action. If you hire the photographer for an engagement session only and you like the photos, you can still hire them for your wedding (assuming that the photographer works in a timely manner and most will if they want to do the wedding, which is the big money). In the event that you end up not liking the engagement photos, you have not invested much and you can go to another photographer. This is why you need a backup. Also, if the engagement photos are included in the wedding package for a photographer, you can always have them either swap it out for an extra hour of coverage of your wedding, discount the price or comes up with something creative like a trash the dress session (which I think is wasteful), a wedding boudoir shoot or a bridal shoot.

9. Make sure that the photographers is within your budget before you fall in love. This one is the funniest one to me because it is the one that I always have the most difficulty with. In life in general, I always want the fancies, or what I think is the nicest and it usually is the most expensive. I always say that my parents cursed me with the name Tiffani because I have Tiffany taste but Target money...ha! Anyway, I found a photographer whose work that I absolutely love online. I just happen to be trolling the wedding websites and this woman's work was the most artistic and beautiful wedding photos that I have ever seen. It wasn't your usual photos of the bridal party making silly faces or jumping in the air (nothing wrong with his, if this is what you like) but instead, her work was pure art. I mean you could hang it on your wall and it would look like a painting. I loved her. I wanted her. I thought that I needed her to do my wedding. I spent days admiring her photos. I talked to my wedding planner (WP) about getting her for me. My WP advised against it because she was familiar with this photographer and knew that she was way out of my budget. Like an idiot, I said I do not care. I love her work. I don't care what it costs (talking as if I am part of the Tiffany family). A few days later, my WP got back to me with a price for this photographer and needless to say, I was over my infatuation. The photographer's fee was more than double what I had in my photo budget. I was disappointed but it was my fault. With everything in life, get an idea of what it costs before you start fantasizing about it. This goes for wedding dresses, rings, venues, decor, houses, cars, etc. If you can't afford the photographer, do not get emotionally invested in their work. I must admit that as I write this, I am still sore that I couldn't get that photographer but luckily my WP found a great photographer for my wedding day, whose work is amazing and fits nicely within my budget! Crisis adverted.    

10. Always have a clear contract in writing.  This is the easiest one and the most important. The one that is the most common sense and the one that I am ashamed to have screwed up. I thought that I could take my engagement photo photographer at his word because I had worked with him before. he was always on the up and up with me but this was just a stupid mistake for me to make. Learn from me, have a written contract from day one. You do not need to hire an attorney to draft a contract. You can google samples. Be reasonable with your terms but also make sure to protect yourself. Try to think about worst case scenarios and then try to cover these "what if" situations in the contract. Do not draft the contract to be too one-sided or you may have problems with it in court (if you have to go to court). Be fair. make sure to include the amount of payment, timeline for payment, timeline for receiving the photos, the date of the event, the name of the photographer from the company (some photography companies have more than one photographer so make sure that you are getting the person that you expect to get), any terms that you agreed about for retouching the photos, include an anti-assignment clause (google it), think about damages and what the photographer will be liable for if the pictures are lost, destroyed, never received, etc. The photographer may also insist on penalties for you also if you do not pay in full, like a late payment penalty (this is fair if the amount is reasonable). This is not everything and you can learn a lot by researching it. Try to be as specific as possible. Make sure that you negotiate these terms with your photographer. You do not want to spring it on him/her at the last minute. Furthermore, most reputable places already have standard contract but please read it carefully and do not assume that their contract is adequate. The photographer will have his/her best interest in mind and the standard contract may not protect you. Make sure that you understand all of the terms of their contract and ask about anything that you do not understand. be careful before you waive any rights or agree to be liable for anything. If you believe that the contract is too one-sided in favor of the photographer, do not be afraid to negotiate and request that they add in or modify provisions. This goes for all vendors and all photographers. A contract is a meeting of the minds. Do not sign it unless you agree to everything in it. Do not feel coerced to sign it. There are other photographers and if the one you want will not agree to a fair and reasonable contract then that is probably not the photographer that you really want.

Pinterest Obsession

If you are not familiar with Pinterest, then this post will not make any sense to you. You will probably think that being addicted to Pinterest is silly and you will never understand how one could spend hours, days, weeks looking at pins and pinning items to Pinterest. I used to be like you. I never was one to get all caught up in following people on social media but Pinterest...oh, Pinterest is different. You first have to find your Pinspiration. It is that topic, any topic, that you have interest in and you wouldn't mind having a board with a few articles, pictures, quotes, recipes or something to look at later. This could be virtually any topic from places you would like to visit, food that you want to try, clothes that you love, decorating ideas, baby stuff, sports, absolutely anything. The only real limit to Pinterest is your lack of Pinmagination (Ok, this one was a little forced but you get where I am going with this).

Looking back, it is hard to believe that just a few short months ago, I was a Pinterest virgin. Now, I cannot imagine my life without Pinterest and like they say, you never forget your first time. I found my Pinspiration about 10 months ago when I was interviewing wedding planners. Because my job has extremely unpredictable hours and I was planning a destination wedding, I knew that I was going to need a planner to do most of the legwork. It was during one of these interviews, when a planner asked me if I was on Pinterest. I scoffed and said "no, that is not really my thing". She explained that Pinterest has become a great tool for wedding planning. So, I decided to check it out. That was the moment right there. That is when everything changed and I became Pinsessed (no, still not working for ya? It actually sounds a little naughty). I started my first inspiration board called "all things wedding" and a few days later I started my second inspiration board called "my ethereal wedding in the clouds" (I know it is a long title). Now I have 13 inspiration boards and no, they are not all about weddings (only 3 of them are). I have boards on everything from food, travel, fashion, fitness, animals that I think are cute and even a miscellaneous board. I swear that there have been more than a few days when I spent the whole day...probably a good 8 hours or so just pinning. I even have the app on my iPhone so I really never have to stop pinning. You know, now that I am actually typing this all out, it sounds a little pathetic...just kidding!

My point is just that Pinterest is one of the greatest inventions of all time and I don't think that it gets enough credit. I have gotten so many ideas, so much motivation for working out and even travel ideas for my honeymoon from Pinterest. It opens you up to an entire world, where you can swap ideas with people that you do not know, may not even want to know and never have to see or speak to. It's Pintastic (see, they are getting better)! So, if this hasn't inspired you to join Pinterest, nothing will and yeah, I realize that this post sounds like I may need to seek professional help but don't worry, I promise to look for some type of 12 step program. I guess this would make me Pinsane (ha! I did it again). Anyway, if you happen to be a member, look me up, follow me or don't.  No pressure (I only have like 3 followers and I have no idea who these people are). I look forward to possibly running across your Pinomenal board (hehe!). Until my next post, happy pinning!

Boycotting the "N" word

Yesterday, I was on the train with my fiancé, Joseph, and there was a group of Latino teenage boys sitting not too far from us. These boys were having a casual conversation about nothing important but in the midst of this thought provoking conversation they were carelessly calling each other nigga. As a African American woman, I was extremely offended. My fiancé was extremely offended (also African American). Our first response was anger because these boys were not black or of African descent. We felt that these people did not have the right to use this word. A word that my ancestors fought and died over. A word that is probably the ugliest word in the human language. A word that has invoked hostilities and at times, motivated its targets to kill those hurling this nasty insult. I wanted to lash out at these boys. I wanted to call them "Spics", "Wetbacks", or some word that would infuriate them in the way that their careless use of the infamous "N" word infuriated me. Don't worry neither me nor my fiancé said anything to them because of several reasons. 1) there is no word that we could have called them that would have equaled the ugliness of "N" word, 2) these were teenage boys (not that they are the only ones using it) but as I previously mentioned, I just turned 30 and my fiancé is over 30, so we were obligated to be the adults in this situation (damn this getting older thing), and 3) we were hypocrites and as much as this use of the word pained us, we brought it on ourselves. Let me elaborate on that last point. We, and by we I mean we as black people, have desensitized the rest of the world (or at least the country) to that word, even though we are still sensitive to the use of the word ourselves. However, we are only sensitive to the use of the word by people that are not black. I will take this one step further and say that we are only sensitive to the use of the word by people that are not black, if we are not friends with thee non-black people. How often do we condone the use of this word in rap songs and even in the occasional R&B song? How often do we use the word in casual conversation when talking to our friends or referring to a situation? We have used this word in so many different ways to mean so many different things that there is no wonder that people of other races have no respect for the meaning of this word. I am personally guilty of abusing the use of this word. I have used it to refer to a group of black people that are acting in a manner that I deem to be inappropriate or "ghetto". I have used the word to refer to men in general or sometimes a specific man. I have nonchalantly used the word to refer to my fiance, sometimes talking to him and other times talking about him. I have used the word when talking about white guys (but not to them). I have even used the word to refer to my dog. I am part of the reason for why this word, this disgraceful word, has lost its meaning. It has now become the new word for friend. People of varying ages and races no longer say "homie" or "homeboy" (yeah, I know this isn't the early 90s) but instead they will simply say "my nigga" or just "nigga" and no one is outraged. No one is offended and black people definitely shouldn't be angry because it is our fault. And if as you read this, you feel that this innocent use of the word is a positive development because it shows that we have successfully removed the hatred behind this word, you are mistaken and nothing could be further from the truth. Keep in mind, that this word, if used under the perceived wrong circumstances still has the power to anger its recipients to the point of physical retaliation (It may not be front page news but if you just do a quick google search, there are many news articles about violence that has erupted in recent years from the use of this word.) To make matters worse, those teenage boys were so ignorant to the meaning of the word that during their conversation, one of the boys while talking to a Latino girl said, "the black niggas are going to be all over you in the party". Apparently, they were on their way to a party and because he thought that black guys were going to be interested in her, he decided to refer to them as the "black niggas". A little redundant if you ask me but given my offenses with this word, I am really in no position to split hairs over its use.

How did we let it get this bad? I know that we used the word amongst ourselves and we felt good about it because it was our word. We told ourselves that we were taking the power away from this ugly word by using it in our everyday dialogue. It was a word that only we had the right to use because our ancestors earned the right for us to use it. But think about it, do you think that our ancestors fought and died so that we could have the right to call our friends, our men, ourselves and even our dogs nigga? Do you think they would be proud of what we have done with this word and how it has evolved? Lets be honest, many of our black people do not even truly understand the history, the hatred or the meaning behind the word. And it is our fault. We think of black history as the month of February, MLK day and Malcolm X and although these men are definitely an important part of black history, there is so much more. When I was growing up (and I am not old), I learned black history in elementary and middle school (usually only during the month of February but still it was something). I don't know if children are still taught black history in school (I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't because you can barely find a Roots marathon on TV, during the month of February) but there was a respect for this history, our history, that I had growing up, and I do not see this respect in younger generations. I was proud to be black and proud of our history, the good and the bad, because we are an amazingly strong race of people but just like so many others, I eventually tucked  this knowledge and pride into some inner recess of my brain and started calling everyone nigga. I always felt justified because I told myself that it was my word and I did know the history behind it and therefore, I was allowed to use it. Then, I started to to see groups of black people (usually males) with one or two people that were white, Latino or another race sprinkled in and the non-black person would say the word "nigga" to the black person...and they would laugh or just keep chatting innocently. There was no anger, hostility or, what I expected to see, a right hook to the offenders jaw. There was nothing. No one in the group was offended because at some point, we started to allow non-blacks to use the word if and only if these people were our friends (or should I say our niggas). We were fine with our non-black friends saying the word because I guess we knew that they did not mean it in an inflammatory way. If we use the word in a friendly manner with our black friends then why not our non-black friends, right? I just want to get on my high horse for a moment and say that I personally have never condoned the use of the word in this manner. I have only ever used the word in the company of other black people and dogs. Anyway, enough of that. My point is that by allowing this use of the word with our non-black friends, it was only a matter of time before they started to use the word with their non-black friends. So then, there were groups of non-blacks talking to other non-blacks and calling each other nigga. Why not? It's harmless, right? It's only a word.

But it is not only a word! It is THE word. If Tom Cruise did an interview and referred to his friend, Matt Damon, as "his nigga", we wouldn't say that it was just word (not sure if Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are actually friends, this is just for illustration purposes). We would be outraged. We would boycott his movies.We might even march somewhere in protest of his use of the word. Would it matter if his black friend, Will Smith, allowed him to use the word every time they hung out together?  Would it matter if he didn't mean anything negative when he used the word and simply meant that Matt Damon was his friends = his nigga? Would it matter if he used the word with an "er" at the end or an "a"? Where do you draw the line but how can you makeup arbitrary rules? We can't have it both ways. We either hate the word or we don't. We are either offended by it or we aren't. We can't expect to have some unwritten rule that only our friends can use the word but that strangers (non-black stranger) can't. This is foolish and also dangerous. Further, it doesn't matter if the word is used with an "a" or an "er". The root is still the same. And this is why I am calling for a complete boycott of the word. Maybe it is too late to repair the damage and there is no guarantee that if we stop using the word then other people/races will stop also. Maybe we have let it go on for too long without caring. Maybe this word has been out of the box for so long that eventually it will become so mainstream that they will start writing it into the scripts of sitcoms and Law and Order episodes, like they do with the word "Bitch" (which still amazes me).  Or maybe, just maybe, a complete ban/boycott of this word by black people is exactly what we need. Maybe, if we show the world that we are still disgraced by this word and that this word has no place in the human language, then maybe they will stop using it. Maybe if we start with our friends, then they will start with their friends and eventually, this terrible word will be eradicated. It is not necessary to wait for some celebrity or rapper to say that the word is uncool before we all jump on the band wagon and stop using it. So, I am going to be the first and after this blog entry, I vow to do my best to never use this word again. I cannot erase this word from the human language by myself but I can erase it from my vocabulary. If we stop the use of this word, it doesn't mean that we are forgetting or erasing our history, I actually think that by discontinuing this word, we are finally giving our history and our ancestors the respect that they deserve. Think of it as a permanent moment of silence for the "N" word. We are paying our respects to the history of a word that should have died many years ago. I hope that if anyone ever reads this post, he or she will join me in boycotting this hateful word. It just doesn't need to be said anymore.