Boycotting the "N" word

Yesterday, I was on the train with my fiancé, Joseph, and there was a group of Latino teenage boys sitting not too far from us. These boys were having a casual conversation about nothing important but in the midst of this thought provoking conversation they were carelessly calling each other nigga. As a African American woman, I was extremely offended. My fiancé was extremely offended (also African American). Our first response was anger because these boys were not black or of African descent. We felt that these people did not have the right to use this word. A word that my ancestors fought and died over. A word that is probably the ugliest word in the human language. A word that has invoked hostilities and at times, motivated its targets to kill those hurling this nasty insult. I wanted to lash out at these boys. I wanted to call them "Spics", "Wetbacks", or some word that would infuriate them in the way that their careless use of the infamous "N" word infuriated me. Don't worry neither me nor my fiancé said anything to them because of several reasons. 1) there is no word that we could have called them that would have equaled the ugliness of "N" word, 2) these were teenage boys (not that they are the only ones using it) but as I previously mentioned, I just turned 30 and my fiancé is over 30, so we were obligated to be the adults in this situation (damn this getting older thing), and 3) we were hypocrites and as much as this use of the word pained us, we brought it on ourselves. Let me elaborate on that last point. We, and by we I mean we as black people, have desensitized the rest of the world (or at least the country) to that word, even though we are still sensitive to the use of the word ourselves. However, we are only sensitive to the use of the word by people that are not black. I will take this one step further and say that we are only sensitive to the use of the word by people that are not black, if we are not friends with thee non-black people. How often do we condone the use of this word in rap songs and even in the occasional R&B song? How often do we use the word in casual conversation when talking to our friends or referring to a situation? We have used this word in so many different ways to mean so many different things that there is no wonder that people of other races have no respect for the meaning of this word. I am personally guilty of abusing the use of this word. I have used it to refer to a group of black people that are acting in a manner that I deem to be inappropriate or "ghetto". I have used the word to refer to men in general or sometimes a specific man. I have nonchalantly used the word to refer to my fiance, sometimes talking to him and other times talking about him. I have used the word when talking about white guys (but not to them). I have even used the word to refer to my dog. I am part of the reason for why this word, this disgraceful word, has lost its meaning. It has now become the new word for friend. People of varying ages and races no longer say "homie" or "homeboy" (yeah, I know this isn't the early 90s) but instead they will simply say "my nigga" or just "nigga" and no one is outraged. No one is offended and black people definitely shouldn't be angry because it is our fault. And if as you read this, you feel that this innocent use of the word is a positive development because it shows that we have successfully removed the hatred behind this word, you are mistaken and nothing could be further from the truth. Keep in mind, that this word, if used under the perceived wrong circumstances still has the power to anger its recipients to the point of physical retaliation (It may not be front page news but if you just do a quick google search, there are many news articles about violence that has erupted in recent years from the use of this word.) To make matters worse, those teenage boys were so ignorant to the meaning of the word that during their conversation, one of the boys while talking to a Latino girl said, "the black niggas are going to be all over you in the party". Apparently, they were on their way to a party and because he thought that black guys were going to be interested in her, he decided to refer to them as the "black niggas". A little redundant if you ask me but given my offenses with this word, I am really in no position to split hairs over its use.

How did we let it get this bad? I know that we used the word amongst ourselves and we felt good about it because it was our word. We told ourselves that we were taking the power away from this ugly word by using it in our everyday dialogue. It was a word that only we had the right to use because our ancestors earned the right for us to use it. But think about it, do you think that our ancestors fought and died so that we could have the right to call our friends, our men, ourselves and even our dogs nigga? Do you think they would be proud of what we have done with this word and how it has evolved? Lets be honest, many of our black people do not even truly understand the history, the hatred or the meaning behind the word. And it is our fault. We think of black history as the month of February, MLK day and Malcolm X and although these men are definitely an important part of black history, there is so much more. When I was growing up (and I am not old), I learned black history in elementary and middle school (usually only during the month of February but still it was something). I don't know if children are still taught black history in school (I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't because you can barely find a Roots marathon on TV, during the month of February) but there was a respect for this history, our history, that I had growing up, and I do not see this respect in younger generations. I was proud to be black and proud of our history, the good and the bad, because we are an amazingly strong race of people but just like so many others, I eventually tucked  this knowledge and pride into some inner recess of my brain and started calling everyone nigga. I always felt justified because I told myself that it was my word and I did know the history behind it and therefore, I was allowed to use it. Then, I started to to see groups of black people (usually males) with one or two people that were white, Latino or another race sprinkled in and the non-black person would say the word "nigga" to the black person...and they would laugh or just keep chatting innocently. There was no anger, hostility or, what I expected to see, a right hook to the offenders jaw. There was nothing. No one in the group was offended because at some point, we started to allow non-blacks to use the word if and only if these people were our friends (or should I say our niggas). We were fine with our non-black friends saying the word because I guess we knew that they did not mean it in an inflammatory way. If we use the word in a friendly manner with our black friends then why not our non-black friends, right? I just want to get on my high horse for a moment and say that I personally have never condoned the use of the word in this manner. I have only ever used the word in the company of other black people and dogs. Anyway, enough of that. My point is that by allowing this use of the word with our non-black friends, it was only a matter of time before they started to use the word with their non-black friends. So then, there were groups of non-blacks talking to other non-blacks and calling each other nigga. Why not? It's harmless, right? It's only a word.

But it is not only a word! It is THE word. If Tom Cruise did an interview and referred to his friend, Matt Damon, as "his nigga", we wouldn't say that it was just word (not sure if Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are actually friends, this is just for illustration purposes). We would be outraged. We would boycott his movies.We might even march somewhere in protest of his use of the word. Would it matter if his black friend, Will Smith, allowed him to use the word every time they hung out together?  Would it matter if he didn't mean anything negative when he used the word and simply meant that Matt Damon was his friends = his nigga? Would it matter if he used the word with an "er" at the end or an "a"? Where do you draw the line but how can you makeup arbitrary rules? We can't have it both ways. We either hate the word or we don't. We are either offended by it or we aren't. We can't expect to have some unwritten rule that only our friends can use the word but that strangers (non-black stranger) can't. This is foolish and also dangerous. Further, it doesn't matter if the word is used with an "a" or an "er". The root is still the same. And this is why I am calling for a complete boycott of the word. Maybe it is too late to repair the damage and there is no guarantee that if we stop using the word then other people/races will stop also. Maybe we have let it go on for too long without caring. Maybe this word has been out of the box for so long that eventually it will become so mainstream that they will start writing it into the scripts of sitcoms and Law and Order episodes, like they do with the word "Bitch" (which still amazes me).  Or maybe, just maybe, a complete ban/boycott of this word by black people is exactly what we need. Maybe, if we show the world that we are still disgraced by this word and that this word has no place in the human language, then maybe they will stop using it. Maybe if we start with our friends, then they will start with their friends and eventually, this terrible word will be eradicated. It is not necessary to wait for some celebrity or rapper to say that the word is uncool before we all jump on the band wagon and stop using it. So, I am going to be the first and after this blog entry, I vow to do my best to never use this word again. I cannot erase this word from the human language by myself but I can erase it from my vocabulary. If we stop the use of this word, it doesn't mean that we are forgetting or erasing our history, I actually think that by discontinuing this word, we are finally giving our history and our ancestors the respect that they deserve. Think of it as a permanent moment of silence for the "N" word. We are paying our respects to the history of a word that should have died many years ago. I hope that if anyone ever reads this post, he or she will join me in boycotting this hateful word. It just doesn't need to be said anymore.