Turning 30

My 30th birthday was February 21 and admittedly this post is over a month after this disaster occurred but I didn't have a blog back then, so I couldn't blog (is this a verb?) about it. Anyway, on to the topic at hand, it wasn't that the day itself was ruined. The actually day was actually kind of good. Instead, it is about the event of turning 30. The shift from the 20's to the 30's. I just wasn't ready for it. I am not ready to be 30. In my head, 30 year olds are different than I am. I don't think that 30 is old, I just think that it is a very adult stage in life and I am not quite ready to be a real adult. I mean, I pay my own bills and have a steady job but I always considered myself to be still in the young adult stage of life. Still thinking that I have my whole life ahead of me with plenty of time to accomplish all types of things in life but by 30, I think that I should have already accomplished most of those things. Right now, I am still kind of carefree with no real responsibilities in life. I like that. But at 30, I guess I need to start thinking about having kids (don't I only have like 5 years left) and I need to own property. I need to be a real mature adult and that is a little terrifying.

BTW, this is not me wearing this shirt

I keep waiting for this adult version of me to kick in but 30 feels like 29 and 29 felt like 18. Granted, I do not make the same decisions as I would have when I was 18, so I have matured a little but I still feel like I am the same person that I was at 18. I know that sounds silly but when I was a kid, I always thought that I would magically become a different person when I became an adult...and I think that I still believed that until I turned 30 and nothing happened. It was just another day...just like the day before...just like the day before that. Which leads me to wonder, how do other people do it? How do you have kids and buy houses and make huge life changing decisions when deep inside you still feel like that 5 year old kid that used to wake up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons. How can I be this child that loves Rainbow Bright (I am an 80's baby) and at the same time be this woman pays a mortgage and raises a family (eventually)? This whole thing is baffling to me. Or maybe it is just me...maybe everyone else does go through this metamorphosis and I am just behind schedule. I am not sure.

All I know is that I am not ready. I am still being a daughter, how can I be someone's mother. I don't even like taking care of my dog and I can lock him in a cage. It's not just about kids but I just don't want to get old. Life is so short and I just don't want things to change. So, until I am ready to accept this new adult role in my life, I am just going to tell everyone that I am 29.